Tag remittances

By Martha Muigai · Smart Money Diaspora · Part of the Black Tax series · 6-minute read

It’s one of the most common questions I hear from people living abroad:

“How much should I actually be sending home?”

Usually it’s asked quietly, with a bit of guilt. Because for most of us, the honest answer has been: whatever was asked, whenever it was asked. A message arrives, we send. Another arrives, we send again. And at the end of the month we wonder where our savings went.

In my guide to black tax, I explained why supporting family is part of who we are, and why doing it without a plan can hurt both you and them. This post is the practical part: a simple, four-step way to decide how much to send each month, and how to stick to it without guilt.

Key Takeaways

• Start with your family’s real monthly gap, not with what’s asked.
• The gap is not automatically yours alone to fill. Share it.
• Decide what you can sustain without weakening your own financial foundation.
• Split the amount into three buckets: monthly support, planned costs, and an emergency pot.
• Send on a fixed day, pay big bills directly, and review once a year.

Step 1: Find Your Family’s Real Monthly Gap

Before you decide what to send, find out what’s actually needed. Call your family (or whoever manages the household) and fill in a simple worksheet together:

That last line is your starting point. Not the loudest request. Not the biggest emergency. The gap.

Two things usually happen when families do this for the first time:

• The gap is smaller than expected, because planned spending is cheaper than emergency spending, and some costs were being covered twice.
• Or it’s bigger than expected, and it becomes clear that one person can’t cover it alone. That’s just as valuable to know.

Either way, you’re now working with facts rather than feelings.

Don’t Confuse the Family Gap With Your Responsibility

Here’s the part many of us miss: the family gap is not automatically one person’s responsibility.

Just because you’re the one abroad doesn’t mean the whole gap lands on you. Say the family’s monthly gap is €500. It could be covered like this:

When you see the gap written down, it becomes much easier to have an honest family conversation about who can contribute what, instead of everyone quietly assuming the person abroad will cover it all.

Step 2: Decide What You Can Sustainably Afford

Now turn to your own budget. The question isn’t “How much can I send this month?” It’s “How much can I keep sending, every month, for years?”

Look at your own monthly budget and cover these first:

1. Your essentials: rent, food, transport, childcare, insurance, debt repayments.
2. Your emergency fund: a buffer for your own household.
3. Your pension and savings: even a small, regular amount.

What’s left after these is your monthly surplus, and that’s where sustainable family support comes from.

This doesn’t mean your family always comes last. Someone supporting an elderly parent with no other income is in a very different position from someone sending money for extras. Sometimes support is essential, and you’ll choose to save less for a while. The principle is simply this:

Protect your financial foundation before you commit to a level of family support you can’t sustain.

If you lose your job with no savings, two households are in trouble instead of one. Protecting yourself protects them.

There is no universal percentage that every immigrant should send home. The right amount depends on your income, essential expenses, debt, savings, dependants and the actual gap in your family. Don’t send based on what’s asked. Send based on what’s actually needed and what you can sustainably afford.

Step 3: Split It Into Three Buckets

A single lump sum gets spent on whatever is most urgent that week. Splitting your family-support budget into three buckets makes it go much further:

1. Monthly allowance: sent on a fixed day for everyday living costs.
2. Planned big costs: school fees, rent due annually, insurance. Saved monthly and paid when due.
3. Family emergency pot: kept in your account and used only for genuine emergencies.

YOUR FAMILY SUPPORT BUDGET: €300 / month

The emergency pot is the bucket that changes everything, but only if you use it correctly. The emergency pot is not a second monthly allowance. It’s a separate reserve for genuine, unexpected expenses: urgent medical treatment, a funeral, a serious repair that can’t wait. It isn’t for things that could have been planned, and it isn’t a fund that can be spent whenever someone asks.

Used this way, it protects everyone. When a real emergency arrives, you’re not choosing between your family and your own rent. You check the pot. And if a request isn’t a genuine emergency, or the pot is empty, you have an honest answer ready: “Let’s plan for this next month.”

Step 4: Make It Run Smoothly

• Send on a fixed day. The same date every month. Your family can plan around it, and you stop getting “is it coming?” messages.
• Automate it if your transfer provider allows scheduled payments.
• Compare transfer providers. Fees and exchange-rate margins vary a lot, and a few percent lost on every transfer adds up over a year.
• Pay big bills directly. Send school fees to the school and hospital bills to the hospital. It’s transparent and removes any pressure on whoever receives the money.
• Share the load. If siblings or relatives also earn, agree who covers what. One takes school fees, another covers groceries, another handles medical costs.
• Review once a year, or when your income or their situation changes. A pay rise can mean a little more support; a new baby or job loss on your side can mean a little less.

What to Say When You’re Asked for More

This is the hardest part. A few phrases that keep the door open without breaking your budget:

• “I’ve already sent this month’s support. Can we plan this for next month?”
• “Let me check the emergency pot and I’ll come back to you.”
• “I can’t cover all of it, but I can contribute this much. Can someone else help with the rest?”
• “I want to keep supporting you for years, not just this month. That’s why I stick to the plan.”

Saying no to one request isn’t saying no to your family. It’s saying yes to being able to help them next year, and the year after.

Frequently Asked Questions

What percentage of my salary should I send home? There’s no universal percentage. The right amount depends on your income, essential costs, debt, savings, dependants and your family’s actual monthly gap. Start with a fixed amount that fits your monthly surplus after your essentials and emergency fund, and review it once a year.

Should I send money home before building my own emergency fund? Send a smaller, fixed amount while you build your emergency fund, then increase it once you have a buffer. Without savings, one job loss puts both households at risk.

How do I handle emergencies if I send a fixed amount? Keep a separate family emergency pot in your own account, topped up monthly. Use it only for genuine emergencies like medical costs, and plan anything else for the following month.

What’s the cheapest way to send money home? Compare providers on both the fee and the exchange rate, since a poor rate can cost more than the fee. Check a few options before every large transfer.

One Plan, Many Years of Support

Sending money home is an act of love. A budget doesn’t take the love out of it. It makes sure you can keep giving, steadily and without resentment, for as long as your family needs you.

And once your monthly budget is in place, the next step is making it lighter: turning part of that support into assets that pay for themselves. I share how I approached this with our family home in Black Tax: What It Is, Why It Exists and How to Make It Sustainable.

Build Wealth. Create Choices. Leave a Legacy.

Get Your Free Diaspora Wealth Checklist

Family support is one of seven areas in my free checklist:

Income → Spending → Emergency Fund → Family Support → Savings → Investments → Wealth Goals

Use it alongside this budget to see how family support fits into your whole financial picture.

👉 Get the Free Diaspora Wealth Checklist

💬 Over to you: do you send a fixed amount home, or do you respond to requests as they come? What’s worked for your family? Tell me in the comments.

Keep reading:

• Black Tax: What It Is, Why It Exists and How to Make It Sustainable
• The Lie That Moving Abroad Automatically Means Financial Success
• New here? Begin with Start Here.

 Martha Muigai · Smart Money Diaspora · Part 1 of the Black Tax Series

Supporting family is part of who we are. Doing it without a plan doesn’t have to be.

It usually starts with a message.

“Hope you’re well. Mum’s medicine has run out.” Then another: “The school fees are due on Friday.” And sometimes: “The roof is leaking again.”

If you’re part of the diaspora, you know these messages. You also know the feeling that comes with them: love, duty, guilt and, at times, a quiet panic as you check your balance.

Many of us have a name for this. We call it black tax.

I’ve paid it, and I still pay it. Even so, I don’t believe the answer is to stop. Instead, after years of supporting family from abroad, I’ve learned that how you support your family matters as much as how much. Support without a plan can drain you for decades and still leave your family in the same place. Support with a plan, on the other hand, can make your family more secure and free you to build your own future too.

THE BLACK TAX SERIES

Part 1: Understand Black Tax (you’re here)

Part 2: Create a Family Support Budget

Part 3: Turn a Family Asset Into Income

Part 4: Build Capital That Produces Family Income

Key Takeaways

• Black tax is the financial support you’re expected to give family once you “make it”, especially when you earn more or live abroad.
• It exists because of income gaps, missing safety nets and a culture of shared responsibility, not because anyone is greedy.
• Left unplanned, it can leave both you and your family without security.
• A sustainable approach moves step by step: understand the need, budget for it, share it, and build assets that help carry the cost.

What Is Black Tax?

Black tax is the money, time and resources that a person who has become financially better off is expected to give to their parents, siblings and extended family.

The term became popular in South Africa, where it describes the pressure on Black professionals, often the first in their family to go to university or earn a steady salary, to support the people who helped them get there. In 2019, the book Black Tax: Burden or Ubuntu?, edited by Niq Mhlongo, brought the debate into the mainstream.

Today, the phrase is used far beyond South Africa, across Africa, the Caribbean and the wider diaspora. In fact, the experience isn’t limited to one race or region at all. Many immigrant families from Asia, Latin America and the Middle East know it well, even if they call it something else.

In practice, black tax can look like:

• School or university fees for siblings, nieces and nephews
• Parents’ rent, food, utilities and medical bills
• Contributions to weddings, funerals and community fundraisers
• Building or repairing the family home
• Loans that are rarely paid back
• Being the answer to every family emergency

It’s called a tax because it can feel compulsory. However, unlike a real tax, there’s no rate, no ceiling and no end date, unless you create one.

Why Does Black Tax Exist?

It’s easy to describe black tax as families being demanding. That isn’t fair, and it isn’t accurate either. Black tax exists for real, structural reasons.

Historical inequality. Colonialism, apartheid and decades of economic exclusion meant many families never had the chance to build wealth that could be passed down. When there’s no inheritance and no family savings to fall back on, the first person to earn a good income naturally becomes the safety net.

Missing safety nets. Here in Denmark, the state covers much of what families elsewhere cover themselves: pensions, healthcare, unemployment support and education. In many of our home countries, however, those systems are limited or unreliable. As a result, the family is the pension, the health insurance and the unemployment benefit.

The income gap. When you earn in euros, pounds or dollars and your family earns in a currency worth a fraction of that, even a small share of your salary can change their month. Because of that gap, the expectation feels natural on both sides.

Sacrifice and gratitude. Many of us are where we are because someone sold land, took a loan or went without so we could study or travel. For that reason, supporting them isn’t only duty. It’s gratitude.

Ubuntu. “I am because we are.” In many cultures, success is shared. Your achievement belongs to the family, and sharing it is part of who you are.

So black tax isn’t simply a burden. It’s also love, loyalty and community. The problem isn’t that it exists. The problem is when it’s unplanned, unlimited and never builds anything lasting.

The Hidden Cost of Unplanned Black Tax

When support has no plan, it quietly costs you, and often your family too.

• You never build your own safety net. Without an emergency fund, a pension or investments, one job loss puts two households in trouble.
• Nothing grows. Money that only covers this month’s needs has to be sent again next month.
• The cycle repeats. If you reach retirement with nothing, your own children may end up paying black tax for you.
• Relationships get strained. Resentment builds on one side, while uncertainty builds on the other.
• You burn out. Many of us carry this silently, and over time it weighs on our health and peace of mind.

In other words, the goal isn’t to stop helping. Rather, it’s to help in a way that you can keep up for years, and that leaves your family stronger over time.

A Better Way: Four Steps to Sustainable Support

Over the years, I’ve come to see sustainable family support as a journey with four stages. Each part of this series covers one of them in depth.

Step 1: Understand the real need

First, find out what your family actually needs each month. List their costs, subtract any income they already have, and you’ll see the real gap. Often it’s smaller than the total of all the ad-hoc requests. Sometimes it’s bigger than you realised, which is just as important to know.

Step 2: Budget for it, and share it

Next, decide what you can sustainably contribute after protecting your own foundation. Then make it a fixed line in your budget, keep a separate emergency pot, and agree with siblings and relatives who covers what. After all, the gap isn’t automatically one person’s responsibility. I walk through this step by step in How Much Should I Send Home?

Step 3: Turn a family asset into income

Where your family has land, a home or skills, look for ways to make them productive. For example, livestock, a small rental or a small business can produce income that covers part of the need. I share how I did this with our family home in part 3.

Step 4: Build capital that produces income

Finally, build a pot of capital and invest it, so your family lives on the income while the capital stays intact. Over time, the asset takes over more of the support, and you stop being the only source. I explain how in Spend the Income, Keep the Capital.

Don’t just send money. Build something that keeps sending it for you.

Other Ways to Lighten the Load

Alongside those four steps, a few simple habits make support go further:

• Invest in education and skills. Paying for a course or diploma is support with an end date, and it creates another earner in the family.
• Consider health insurance. One hospital stay can wipe out months of support, whereas a policy turns an unpredictable emergency into a predictable premium.
• Create a family fund. Borrowing the idea of a savings group (a chama, susu, tontine or stokvel), family members at home and abroad can contribute monthly into one pot for emergencies and big projects.
• Pay providers directly. Sending school fees to the school and hospital bills to the hospital keeps things transparent for everyone.
• Set time limits on short-term help. “I’ll cover rent for three months while you find work” is kinder and clearer than an open-ended promise.
• Protect yourself too. If people depend on you, keep life insurance and keep building your own pension.

My Story: Two Things I Did Differently

I want to share two decisions from my own family, because they show that black tax doesn’t have to be a bill you pay forever. Instead, it can be something you build.

I helped another family member move abroad, so we share the load

For a long time, I was the one abroad, which meant I was the one people turned to. So instead of carrying it alone, I encouraged and sponsored another family member to move abroad too.

It was an investment, and not a small one. Even so, it did two things at once. First, it changed their life, giving them access to better income and a future they’re building for themselves. Second, it lightened the weight on my shoulders, because we now share the family responsibilities between us.

This is what I mean by making black tax beneficial. The money didn’t disappear into one month’s expenses. It created a second earner, and a better life for someone I love.

I turned our family home into an income-producing farm

After my parents passed away, our family home stood mostly abandoned for years. My brother stepped in to care for it, and when he passed away in 2024, I promised myself the home would never be abandoned again.

Rather than sending money every month to maintain it, I started small, with one dairy cow and four sheep, and employed someone to look after the animals and the home. Today, milk is sold, the flock has grown, and that income helps maintain the home and pay the caretaker. I tell the full story in part 3 of this series.

The lesson: before you send money for the same need again and again, ask, “Is there an asset that could help cover this need by itself?”

How to Talk to Your Family About Black Tax

None of this works without an honest conversation, and that’s often the hardest part. These approaches help:

• Lead with love, not limits. “I want to keep supporting you for the long term, so let’s plan it together.”
• Share the plan, not just the number. Explain the monthly amount, the emergency pot and the bigger goal.
• Be honest about your own costs. Many families don’t realise how expensive life abroad is. I wrote about this in The Lie That Moving Abroad Automatically Means Financial Success.
• Involve them in the solution. People take better care of a business or a herd when it’s theirs to grow.
• Hold steady. Changing a long-standing pattern takes time, and consistency builds trust.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does black tax mean? Black tax is the financial support that people who become better off, often the first in their family to earn a good income or move abroad, are expected to provide to parents, siblings and extended family.

Is black tax bad? Not in itself. It comes from love, gratitude and a culture of shared responsibility. However, it becomes harmful when it’s unplanned and unlimited, leaving the giver with no savings and the family no more secure.

How much should I send home each month? There’s no universal percentage. The right amount depends on your income, essential costs, savings, dependants and your family’s actual monthly gap. Part 2 of this series shows you how to work it out.

How can I make black tax sustainable? Understand the real need, budget a fixed amount, share the load with others, and gradually build assets, such as livestock, a small business or an investment, that help carry the cost.

Turn Black Tax Into a Legacy

Supporting our families is part of who we are, and I don’t want anyone to stop.

But I do want us to stop paying the same bill forever. When you budget for black tax, share it and slowly turn it into assets, something changes. Your family becomes more secure. Meanwhile, you get the space to build your own future. And eventually, the next generation may never have to pay it at all.

That’s how black tax becomes a legacy.

Build Wealth. Create Choices. Leave a Legacy.

Ready to Make a Plan?

Family support is one of seven areas in my Free Diaspora Wealth Checklist:

Income → Spending → Emergency Fund → Family Support → Savings → Investments → Wealth Goals

Use it to see where family support fits in your whole financial picture.

👉 Get the Free Diaspora Wealth Checklist

💬 Over to you: how do you handle black tax in your family? Have you found a way to turn support into something that pays for itself? Share it in the comments. Your idea could help someone else.

Continue the series: Part 2: How Much Should I Send Home? A Simple Monthly Budget for Family Support →

New here? Begin with Start Here.

This article is for general education and isn’t personal financial advice